posted July 25, 2003 02:47 PM               

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different
person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need a new suit".

Joe entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "that's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fitted perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe
thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see ... 34 sleeve and 16 and a half neck." Joe was surprised, "that's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business
60 years!" Joe tried on the shoes and they fitted perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman
stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see ... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."

posted July 28, 2003 01:21 AM               

It is laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascend.

There is, however, a catch.

You're only allowed in once.

Once you open the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor.

If you go up a floor, you can't go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door says:

Floor 1:

These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman reads the sign.

"Well, that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up she goes.

The second floor sign says:

Floor 2:

These men have high-paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good-looking.

"Hmmm, better," says the woman. "But I wonder what's further up?"

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3:

These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking and help with the housework.

"Wow," says the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there's more further up!"

And so again, she goes up.

On the fourth floor the sign reads:

Floor 4:

These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me." (That's how women talk in Georgia) "But just think... what must be awaiting me further up?"

So up to the fifth floor she goes.

The sign on that door says:

Floor 5:

This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping.

Have a nice day!

posted July 28, 2003 06:27 PM               

If you're feeling brave (or really foolish), you might want to try the Rodeo......

Your wife kneels, you enter her from behind, you gently cup her breasts with your hands and say "these feel just like your sisters"

Then you try and hang on for eight seconds....

Good luck

posted July 29, 2003 03:21 PM               

Seems to me that you are being a little precious... If you intend censoring this forum, will you also be deleting Ken (aka Zmans) rants about China etc.

You might want to thing about this....

quote:

---

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

---

posted July 29, 2003 05:05 PM               

I rather liked all the posts. Perhaps some others won't appreciate the lack of professional decorum. Given this is a site about feedscrews, and not bawdy jokes, I feel to error on the side of being too conservative is not such a high crime.

The posts are still here. Everyone can weigh in with their opinion.

Maybe we should let Ron A. know that sex sells. He can post a daily pinup caressing a 12" screw!!! Think of daily "screw" pun possibilities. Now that should get him some traffic.

Tom C

posted July 29, 2003 05:30 PM               

The other forums devoted to specific feedscrew issues are paragons of profesional decorum

But it seems to me, that this forum is a little different, a bit like the bar across the road from your office or factory, here we don't talk about work and its problems.

Perhaps we need a caution on Topic headers,"this might offend maiden aunts" etc

The straw poll idea is good, what do you lurkers want to see here?

Steve H

posted July 30, 2003 07:37 AM               

How many items do you own that came from China?

Look closely now, and please be honest as to what you find. Look inside of your computer too.

posted July 30, 2003 02:30 PM               

When we have time.

After I finish all the paper-work.

6 gaylords full.

posted July 31, 2003 04:42 AM               

On their honeymoon night, the bride turns to her husband and says, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and don't know anything about sex, so I'm a little nervous. Would you explain it to me first?"

"Sure, Sweetheart," the husband replies. "Putting it simply, we'll call your private place 'the prison', and we'll call my private thing 'the prisoner'. What we do is this....we put the prisoner in the prison."

They then make love for the first time. Afterwards, the husband sprawls out on the bed, face up, with a look of satisfaction on his face.

A few minutes later, the bride nudges him and giggles, "Honey, the prisoner seems to have escaped."

He turns on his side and with a big grin, says, "Well,

we'll just have to re- imprison him."

After making love the second time, the husband rolls over and reaches for a cigarette. The wife, however, is thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love. Giving him a seductive smile, she purrs, "Honey, the prisoner's out again!"

Mustering up all the strength he can, the husband rises to the occasion once more, then lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

Once more, the wife nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner's escaped again"

With his last bit of strength, the husband turns his head and says, "Just because he had a visit to the prison ,does not mean it's life imprisonment!!"

Keep those BBQ fires going